Lost who was i, i say, i was a fool a deciever of myself. standing out, being different, rebellious, desired to be remembered, and various other things. to find pleasure in some way, i knew it had to be out there, something to fill the hole in my heart. never tried much in school, it was just too lame. alcohol was a blast, all my friends did it. how about harder drugs, i mean you only live ones. maybe even some heavy music, it sounds cool so it must be cool. oh, i knew what the key to pleasure was it was sex, everybody wants to make love not war. maybe just living on the edge would do it, like fast cars and just pushing things to see how far they could go. the edited version is i got in trouble many times over. broke my neck in a car wreck but went back to the same search to fill the emptiness inside me but from a chair this time. then i found it, i found the fix. i knew who God and Jesus were and thought i was on good terms with them. claimed to be a "Christian" if asked. on the phone in sometime in march of 96 i gave up on trying to get straight on my own. i asked to be forgiven for all i had done and my life was no longer in my hands.